The shrinking from wildness starts early. I just led a workshop for 7th grade girls and the retreat from that inner freedom had already begun. In some ways they still retained some wildness. They were free and full of fun when painting, spreading it on each other and reveling in the mess. But then we journaled. We journaled about self-confidence and the responses were heart-breaking.
“I have low confidence, and so always think of myself negatively.”
“They (meaning other people) don’t care about my achievements”
“Other people won’t be impressed by (what I do).”
“I don’t have anything to brag about.”
“I don’t want to sound _________ .
Fill in the blanks with conceited, self-absorbed, rude, inconsiderate.
This is not ok.
This is REALLY not ok.
If we want to raise a generation of girls with confidence, body ownership, and an outlook that can positively impact the world, we have to start with ourselves, because they are modeling us.
They are inheriting these words and these quotes from us. Every time we shrink from being unapologetically ourselves, we are sending the message to girls to shrink as well.
And that is not limited to moms. All of us women are modeling behavior and believe me, girls are watching.
We tell girls we want them to grow up to be brave and strong and confident, even while we turn our backs on those very concepts in our own life. We stop taking risks, we don’t stretch ourselves, we settle. So often, time passes and we realize we’ve compromised in our lives, and we have oriented ourselves towards an unsatisfying “good enough,” perhaps also believing we are not deserving of more.
It reminds me of the line that I heard recently, that it is not the pain that takes us down, it’s the shame of the pain.
Wildness is wilderness and neither know shame. It is becoming the biggest tree in the forest because you can. There is joy in growing and a reaching for as much light as your limbs can find. It should be ok for us to take up space, be big and bold and be seen and to take joy in saying “here I am.”
The river does not stop moving because it approaches rocks or even a cliff. The stream continues through, cleansing and washing everything into its path, becoming a waterfall in its leap of faith. We are like these forces of nature and lest us not be like quicksand.
with fierce and wild love,